7/27/16-I really appreciate the kind words you guys have written in my guestbook.
7/24/16- The things I say are very embarassing.
5/20/16-I'm all about filming lately. Filming everything. I have a lil camcorder that records onto VHS-C tapes. I've been filming something everyday. I bought a box of 40 pre-recorded VHS tapes on ebay. They seller bought them from a storage unit and has no idea what is on them. This could be anything. Mike and I have also been going bowling one a week, we're even going twice this week. I'm getting a kick out of going lately. I'm really bad at it, but more okay with being bad at it.
5/11/16-Haven't updated my little website lately. Maybe after work today. I have a few pictures I'd like to add. Some film, some found items, some tapes. Especially tapes! Going to make my VHS page more in-depth eventually.
4/14/16-I created this website exactly one year ago. Horray. I found a bunch of DVDs filled with stock footage at the thrift store and I'm making some odd music videos out of it.
4/11/16-Not sure why I have the amount of followers on here that I do. My website is total shit. I really appreciate it though!! I'm just going to keep adding more and more. I'll always have more. Oh I'm very out of touch with reality. Lately seeing awkward interactions between other people is making me want to be even more quiet.
4/6/16-I'm currently a bit drunk. Today I cleaned and made some furniture for my doll. An end table out of a vinyl 45 and an old pot tube. I also started making a couch, a denim skirt and a denim vest. Tomorrow I have a pleasant day planned out.
4/1/16-Today after work I am going to continue working on the doll page that I have started. I suddenly have ideas for the site again! Nothing real cool, just more pictures of things. Oh I hope the customers don't play any lame April fools jokes on me. Luckily nobody did last year.
3/30/16-My bedroom no longer looks like a Hollywood Video blew up in it! I attempted to organize my tapes (didn't work out) & my floor was covered in them for a few days. I am having trouble coming up with ideas for this web site. I want to add links to Neocities pages that I like, but I'm feeling a bit shy about it. Lately I haven't been very creative. I've been reading, cleaning, and working. Whenever I have these creative blocks, I worry that I'll never create anything again in my life. That never seems to be the case. My roommate is having a little dinner party tonight with some of our friends from work. I like when people come over. It's not something I am used to. Man I fucking hate blushing! I hosted today, and for some reason almost every interaction made me blush. Even with my coworkers. It was much worse today than usual. A constant state of blush. Yikes!!
3/25/16-Today is Mike's birthday! We went camping yesterday. Made art in the woods. ♥
3/22/16-Today I chipped my tooth on a life saver. What an odd feeling. I can't see it and can't stop feeling it with my tounge. I really want to do more with this website and learn more about web design, but I'm not quite sure where to start. I have no ideas. I got my film developed. Added a few pictures here. Planning on adding more. I have the next 6 days off!! We're having a vacation for Mike's birthday!
3/16/16-I decided to drink a bunch of coffee before bed and I'm pretty wired and cannot sleep. I started a blog for my dolls. Today I talked to a couple of the high school girls I work with who I haven't really talked to very much. It was cool. Quite interesting to hear them talk about their lives. They are smart girls, much more driven than I was at that age and will probably ever be. I am sending my film off to be developed!! Quite excited about that. I hate that they don't do one hour photo anymore, but I think it'll be fun waiting a week as well. Besides the pictures i took the other day during our hike, I have no idea what is on that camera or how long I've had it. I'm going to get into the film again. Been taking a lot of instax pictures lately. Wish I had a scanner. Oh well. The other day I made a sculpture out of a 40 and a VHS tape. The past few days I've been working on these beaded curtains that I'm making out of soda tabs. Ahhhh just a bunch of creative stuff. Went to the bar last night and put a bunch of good tunes on. That's my favorite part, putting the songs on.
3/11/16-I fucking love cleaning!!!!
3/7/16-Mike and I spent the day in Phoenix yesterday, it was nice. Had some car problems on the way back, wasn't sure if we'd make it. Everything is okay though. My Ziggy cat is being so damn cute right now. I was showing his picture off to one of my tables today, she was a fellow cat lover. Her wallet was filled with pictures of her cats. She also showed me her necklace which was a picture of a black cat. I currently have the urge to drink. I've been drinking almost every day lately. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Right now I'm browsing old Geocities pages. Trying to find some interesting ones. Tomorrow I am going to buy groceries and Mike and I are going on a hike!
3/3/16-We have internet again! I have quite a few ideas of things I want to add to this website. Lately I've been really into making compilation VHS tapes and collages. I've just been having fun lately. Not taking anything too seriously. For now.
2/18/16-I am currently at the library, reading a book about abandoned America and catching up on this virtual world. We still don't have internet. It's alright though. Lately I've been into books about toys. I also bought a new VCR yesterday so I could copy & record other tapes onto my own compilation tapes. I started one, it's really fun. People are missing out on that stuff these days. Work has been good. I had my first prep shift the other day. I kinda fucked it up, but I know I'll eventually be better. I don't know what to say. I love the library. I could stay here all day.
1/30/16-I miss Neocities. We moved out and haven't had internet for a month.I am actually writing this from a phone, hah. Things have been good. I am currently training to be a prep cook at work. That probably doesn't seem like an accomplishment to most, but it is for me. My confidence has been a lot higher than it usually is. I'm also working on a zine. I got a new tattoo the other day, a sweet little deer. Hopefully I'll have internet soon and will be able to update my website again!
1/7/16-I am so fucking anxious right now. I can physically feel it. I just really want to sleep and go into a pleasant dream. I can't sleep though. I feel like an ass. I want to crawl in a hole. I'm hoping that the internet will get my mind off of things and make me tired enough to sleep for a few hours. I have to face the real world today. Conflict. I hate conflict so much. I can't keep avoiding it though. I feel like I need to run 20 laps.
1/5/16-So glad I'll have a bedroom again. I need privacy. I haven't been alone in months. Only in the shower. Everything is getting to me today. I've been a real obnoxious emotional wreck. Got a few things done, however.
1/4/16-Everything is still good. We are moving into our new apartment in 4 days. A space of my own again! Work is still fun lately. I drink a pot of coffee before work and I'll be really fucking energetic the whole shift, it's nice. Lately I feel more comfortable being loud and annoying, and being goofy at my tables. I may go to the library again today. What I NEED to do is finish getting all my shit out of here, but my car is filled with crap. I guess there is some room for a little more in there. I don't know.
1/2/16-I had fun at work today, but I hope that a joke I went along with doesn't get to the wrong person and isn't taken seriously. I don't know. I think I'm just paranoid in general. Something bad is going to happen soon. I don't know why I feel that way. I've been in a really good mood lately. But I know that soon I'm going to have some sort of wake up call. It could come in a variety of forms. Maybe I need one. I don't know. Ahh I just feel nervous.
12/30/15-How does one make the best out of this existance while still being aware of the world around them? Really aware, I mean. What do you do when you are aware that you really aren't aware at all? Have I been happier living in my own world and is it good or bad? Questions I am asking myself. Then trying to figure out if it really matters or not. MORE DAMN CIRCLES!!! Circles within circles in my life right now. These patterns are becoming so fucking ridiculous lately. Today I slept quite a bit. Had some weird dreams. I kept waking up for a minute and just not wanting to be awake, so falling back to sleep to have another weird dream.
12/29/15-I am probably going to be updating a bunch of random little things around my site tonight. It really helps when I feel like I need to organize my thoughts. Man I have so much going through my head right now. Difficult things. Today work was fucking busy but I somehow remained upbeat and in a good mood. Some old guys hit on me. Hooray. I made a pretty good amount as well. Since I got home, I've been reading my Gen X book. I think I am going to pay off my library fines and go check out some more books on sociology once I'm done with this one. A lot of them look very interesting. AHHHHH
12/28/15-I wish I could shower every time I'm stressed out about something. That's always my first thought. I'll just go in the shower and think this out. But I realize that I shouldn't do that, I just took a shower 10 minutes ago. The showers will never be long enough. I need to figure out how to figure things out.
12/27/15-I love how creative you people on this website are. ♥ I'm trying to get a couple friends to make Neocities accounts. I don't know if they will. It's so much better than mindless social media. Anyways, I must get ready for work. Keep being cool I guess.
12/25/15-I'm a crappy person. Merry Christmas everyone.
12/22/15-I have been rather bubbly lately. It's nice. I wish I was like this all the time. I have lots of plans the next few days to see lots of people. ♥
12/17/15-I have a lot inside me that I want to express..I have no idea what to say though. I'm so fucking sober right now. I tried drinking a pot of coffee to feel something but now I feel nothing and I just want to smoke pot. Or something. Anything. FUCK. I'm not complaining, I'm really not. My brain is just going nuts. It aint over til it's over.
12/13/15-All I can think about today is excess and cycles.
12/12/15-A couple nights ago, I really thought it was going to happen. I thought I would ruin my best friend's life over something so dumb. IT WAS SUCH A SCARY 15 MINUTES. Anyways, it didn't happen.
6/29/15-Last night Mike and I played life while it was stormy outside. It was very fun indeed. Today we're gonna day drink and go to the thrift stores.
6/26/15-I got rid of the link to my other journal. I highly doubt anyone ever read it, but I figured I would in case someone I know ever looks at this. I've decided to make the other one very anonymous.
5/12/15-It is currently 4:10 AM. I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I watched a couple infomercials, one about the Laugh In classic DVD collection, and the other about some knives. Now I'm watching I love Lucy. I got high in attempt to fall back asleep but no. That wasn't enough. I need to clean my room. I'm ignoring it and it's getting worse. I have no motivation to do anything the past few days. I've seen my mom a couple times and had some pretty good money making days at work so they weren't completely wasted, but in general, I feel like I'm doing absolutely nothing. I just don't even know what I want to do with my time sometimes. Sometimes I make art and sometimes I clean and then sometimes I do nothing at all and I fear that I'll never do anything again, but the cycle always continues. It's all circles. Eventually it'll be gone. I am really itchy right now, itchy everywhere. especially my stomach and eyebrow and arm. My Mona cat is sitting on my lap being very sweet. She's just looking at me with her lovely green eyes. Some real shit is on the television right now. I kinda had the urge to watch some infomercials though. Mike and I were having a conversation about infomercials and all the ones we remember as kids. We attempted to stay up so we could watch them, but fell asleep too early. Then I woke up. The Genie Hour Glass Belt will shape your waist! "Baby body, gone!" Take the tape measure test and love the difference!
5/11/15-Yeterday something happened at work and I just felt so humiliated. I couldn't concentrate the rest of the day. I felt so stupid, in a way I don't even know how to explain. Where I can't tell if someone's actually being nice to me or being really sarcastic, and where I'm sure people are making fun of me and I don't know. I slept for 12 hours last night. I just didn't want to think at all. I feel like it took a giant shit on my rising self-esteem. It sounds a bit over-dramatic, but you'd have to know the whole story to understand.
5/10/15-Today is Mother's Day, it'll be busy as fuck at work. I hope I make some money. They won't give any of us very many tables but the tables will constantly be sat so maybe I'll make something. Oh well. I just hope I get off at a decent hour. Today is also Casie's birthday, I'm going to go before she's off and tie a balloon to her car.
5/7/15-Lately my time has been going into watching awful television. I love awful television. I can't take a TV show seriously. All this excessive television is making me eat constantly. I love eating and all but I can't fucking stop once I watch the television. I need to go outside.
5/3/15-I've had Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder stuck in my head all day today. I made a thing out of the top of a broken bottle and some neon pink pipe cleaners. I almost cried at work but luckily I managed to not do so. I met this cool old guy at the swap meet who sounds like Tommy Chong and was selling a bunch of crazy stuff he found while metal detecting in ghost towns.
5/2/15-Nothing too exciting is in this noggin of mine.